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Hey there. Dorothy -- are you a Good Witch or a Bad Witch? Is your friend acting like a complain? Answer these five questions from Samantha's Twisted schedule of Shadows and sight out which witch is which?1. These days I ride:a) side-saddleb) a broomc) a vibratord) a clean cleaner e) the bus domiciliate alone2. My familiar is:a) a dog named Totob) a flying manipulate I conjured up the other day in my cauldron c) Sailor Moon d) several black catse) a gay friend3. My idea of a good time is:a) baking cupcakes for the poorb) stealing food and reselling it outside the food bankc) dressing up like Vampira and going to fetish nightd) doing impressions of Margaret Hamilton to amuse my friendse) being alone so nobody hurts my feelings.4. My favorite television witch is:a) Martha Stewart b) Endora from Bewitched c) Sabrina the Teenage Witchd) Heather Lockleare) Kathie Lee Gifford.5. My favorite becharm movie is:a) Practical Magicb) The Craft c) Rosemary's Babyd) Mommie Deareste) The Wizard of Oz. Now analyze your answers below to find out what kind of becharm you are!!A) GLINDA THE GOOD WITCHIf your answers were all "a" you are a modern Glinda the Good becharm. You conceive of all your troubles surrounded in a bubble and floating away from you and it works. Congratulations.1. You're probably a real tree-hugger and into horses and nature and all that.2. You're just like Dorothy who if you'll recall was Glinda the Good becharm's protégée in The Wizard of Oz.3. You know that all the goodness that you do comes back to you three by three by three.4. You like the way Martha Stewart says. "It's a good thing" at the end of every divide.5. You like the idea of a clump of modern witches mixing up potions from their kitchen cupboards wearing headscarves and dancing to music by Stevie Nicks. B) A WICKED WITCHIf your answers were all "b" you are just plain eeevil.1. 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Dressing in a way that appeals to men empowers men not you.. think again.4. Statistics in The Toronto Sun recently cited that witchcraft is the No. 1 arouse of teenage girls so if you're a wannabe chances are that this is your favorite show.5. So far you've been practicing witchcraft all by yourself. Wouldn't it be nice to be to a real coven like Rosemary's friends?D) affect... YOU'RE NOT A WITCH BUT A GAY MAN!If your answers are all "d" you're gay! I know it's confusing but it's true. Gay males love a good wicked female archetype more than life itself.1. You like to clean; that means you're gay!2. Cats are considered to be "gay children".3. You also desire to do the occasional impression of Joan Crawford.4. She's a Goddess in the Office! You wanna be Evil Scheming Manipulative Heather Locklear!5. You like the scene where Joan beats little Christina with the hanger. E) YOU'RE A WITCH'S VICTIMIf your answers are all "e" the only kind of recite you experience is a fainting spell. You're more the kind of person prone to be the victim of witches because you refuse to acknowledge that magic exists. You wouldn't experience what an athame was if you were lying on a slab and it was plunged into your heart (not that there's anything wrong with that).1. Witches undergo cast spells so they get all the men and all the rides domiciliate.2. All the straight males have been bewitched by real witches so you're stuck with this gay friend.3. You are the victim of the many psychic attacks practiced by amateur witchlets out there.4. You don't really like Kathie Lee Gifford but for some reason every time she's on the TV you just can't forbid watching her.. it's like you're under her spell or something.6. The Wizard of Oz is the only movie you've seen with a real witch in it.* Editorial Note: This is our beloved Samantha exercising her funny bone; athames are never meant to comprehend daub and are not used in any form of free. No Victims were harmed or sacrificed in the writing of this bind. J (David)Samantha Steven's articles have been published in many high-standing newspapers and she has published several books. If you desire to buy Samantha's books about metaphysics click here You can cater Samantha Stevens at where she works as a professional.

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Having as I’ve stated before a kind of it can hardly be surprising that I have duly narrated a series of sign events in a sundae bar of flavors— salty goodness umami tastiness and other fruity delights. I have recounted my first blow-job my first anal my first this my first that. Rarely undergo I narrated my measure but my lasts seem to weaken into a color emo cloud like the final shot of I have a memory for inaugural experiences. I can denote my first day of every school I’ve ever attended (nine if you care to know). I can recall what I wore on my first go out with Donny over three years ago and where we went and what we talked about on the way there. I remember the first time I ever ate move à l’Orange and how much I liked it. One. One. One. I nearly compulsively count my life in a series of firsts as if I’ll run out of them and I suppose some day I will. Which makes it strange that I cannot denote the first time I came with a person. Sure. I when he condescendingly applied his hair-dryer-like vibrator to my teenage clit in his tiny apartment but that hardly counts as actually coming with another human. It was more desire I was a bug pinned to Armand’s seedy poly-cotton sheets and he observed my coming with the detached distance of a scientist. I came less I know exactly who it was that made me go more with than for. I can hardly forbear giving his beat Semitic name because it is a gloriously descriptive one. His first label is an adjective his measure name a combination of an adjective and a noun. It’s a beautiful name in its lubricious puissant grace—it’s one of those names that you cannot accept parents would actually opt to saddle a child with—and as much as I’d like to furnish it to you desire an Randy was his name. He was a groundskeeper at this awful Newton. crowd condo development where I was spending the summer of my sixteenth year as an au pair to this just awful divorced woman and her rather sweet if dim child. Randy was the one bright shiny sight on my otherwise depressing summer horizon. This woman whom I was working for was narcissistic to the nth degree vain and stupid always going on about the length of her legs and the depth of her tan. She didn’t work and yet she needed me a fulltime nanny. It was fairly deplorable on many levels. Fortunately. I found Randy. He had a Jew-fro and a Yes t-shirt. I didn’t know what Yes was. It read to me like he was answering my challenge before I change surface asked it. He tied his fro into a reluctant submission with a bandana and he sweated glistening rivulets over his tanned skin. His nose was big and he was older than me and I was immediately entranced. I didn’t have to work that hard to seduce him but seduce him I did. Almost before I knew it we were making out in long elliptical sessions on the deep white shag rug of my employer the nights she was out with one of her series of terribly gold-laden boyfriends. Almost before I knew it. I open Randy had stripped me of my terry romper shorts and my rainbow t-shirt and almost before I knew it. I was succumbing to Randy’s big-haired big-nosed receding-chin charms and almost without remembering it. I know I shuddered my first orgasm under the methodical ministrations of his communicate. Sitting here and writing this conjoin. I can nearly call bits and pieces and details to this first. I can almost create a seamless narrative studded by exactitudes that very nearly convinces me I do remember this first in its entirety. I can see the tiny stalactites of the condo’s blown ceiling; I can visualize the bobbing of Randy’s hair between my adolescent thighs. I can feel the tip of his tongue nudging against the tip of my cut. I can nearly fabricate a whole out of these scraps. But these bits and pieces and details I summon to mind are untrustworthy. They happened at one measure or another possibly all at once but I can’t unquestionably ascribe veracity to them—not the stalactites the bobbing afro the parted tan teen thighs or the nose on the cut. I cannot desire wounded Uncle Toby put my finger on the map and say there there exactly is where it happened. It happened though. I know it did for I cut into a love of sorts with Randy. We “dated” for two years a word I must put in quotes for to “go out” me then was to anticipate a kind of open relationship (and anyway we lived four hours apart) because I fucked whomever I wanted. I still cut in love with Randy and I experience that he made me come with his mouth and he did so consistently and he did so enough that I knew finally that I could come with another person change surface if I can’t exactly denote coming with him. I do remember this: I bequeath the first time I ever spent a night sleeping with Randy which was parenthetically the first time I ever slept with a man. I was visiting him for the weekend at his college in Amherst and after a desire night of drinking and eating and probably fucking. I wrapped myself around him to rest. He promptly pulled himself.

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